Today I Had a Temper Tantrum

/ sweeteanola

There are few things I love more than swimming. Maybe only 1)being in a pool with my girlfriend, 2)my pups, and 3)wine. Not in that order. And so when I realized I actually had nothing to do today for the first time in weeks and I could actually just hang out in the pool, I was ecstatic. That lasted all of about 2 minutes once I began to crave wine like it was life or death. My girlfriend, ever the rational minded one, tried to make it all make sense. “Baby, no, not EVERYONE in the world is drinking wine but you…” and, “No, hon, you will never just have ONE glass of wine, that’s why you can’t drink, remember?” I honestly have no idea what I said but it went on for about an hour. I was literally in a full out tantrum. Tears and all. Nothing is fair. And the bargaining, oh the bargaining. And the planning for relapse. I, for real, said, “If I find out this mole they are removing is cancer then I can drink!” Hmmph! *crosses arms* It was like that, y’all. 

Then I finally made it to a meeting tonight. And it was all better. 

It’s been hard getting to meetings. It’s been hard writing. It’s just been hard. I leave the house at 6 am and I get home at 9 pm. I’m exhausted. Something’s gotta give and I know it can’t be meetings. I know that after today and tonight. I also need a sponsor. I know that my girlfriend cannot be that person any more. It’s not fair. I’m too fragile right now. Too emotional. Too 4-year-old. 

And then there was this tonight 

 

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My red dabloon 🙂 

It’s not been an easy 34 days, but it’s been a humbling 34 days. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “Today I Had a Temper Tantrum”

  1. You’re right – your gf can’t be your sponsor…you need someone who has done the work and can direct you and identify with you in ways that your gf just can’t. At the next meeting can you let people know you are looking for a sponsor? Even a temp one can help you right now. I got a temp sponsor and he’s still my sponsor. Grab some phone numbers too. Call other women when you are having moments like you did in the pool. I have been busy on the phone to my spnosor lately…we need one another 🙂

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  2. I can relate to your tantrum. It’s NOT fair. But nothing ever is. I only went to a handful of meetings because I couldn’t get past the “higher power” talk and I never had a sponsor because I didn’t want to burden a complete stranger who probably wouldn’t like me anyway…yeah, I was in a bad way. It’s amazing that I made it through that first year! Sounds like you have a wonderful partner who is very supportive, but I agree that you need some other source of support. You’re rockin’ it, girlfriend! I love your honesty. Keep up the good work!

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